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This year, we’re trying something a little different. We are going to highlight different authors every week with a showcase of their work and a little interview at the end.

Our first Authour Highlight? Author Naomi Shibles with her piece, Ocelot. Explaining what it’s about won’t really help, you’ll just have to read it for yourself.

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Ocelot

An excerpt

by Naomi Shibles

I once nearly lost a finger staring too deeply into the eyes of a beguiling ocelot. I’d fallen into pulsing kaleidoscopes while its three-inch claw extended to shear off my index finger that— of its own volition—floated near to stroke the cat’s smooth, patterned fur.

I’ll never know how soft it was.

Being easy to hypnotize was how I ended up in this gilded cage. As I painted pretty pictures in my head of a strong-willed and impenetrable me, of a jet-setting life, a sailboat headed into an aubergine horizon, an ebullient existence floating on unhinged glee, I was captured. I was lured and trapped by a man who smelled like candy—a candyman.

A decade later, he smelled like sewer water after a dirty storm that eddies in the gutter pulling virus from the earth. He smelled of harsh words and cruel apathy. He smelled the trembling child inside of me that I thought I’d hidden well, but his kind can sniff out weakness like a truffle pig locates tender fungus resting in a bed of soil.

I lacked anything to lose, which made me reckless. And tyrants know what they’re doing when they plant what we want the most deep inside of us to take root and grow into shackles and chains and barred exits. I had longed for people to love and a bridge for the gap in my soul, but love is exploitable. Love makes us frangible.

The wrong sort of love curdles candy into tears.

Instead of recognizing my prison, the right sort of love hypnotized me—the wonderful obsession with our children that elevates mothers to a state that transcends the truffle pig in the next room. But beware. The candyman waits until you are stretched so thin that the hypnosis wavers and you recognize that you are in trouble, and then he shoves you back into your hole, sealing it with maximum toxicity. I was halfway through my life before I saw what I’d allowed to happen, and that I had much to lose.

That’s when I found the book.

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Questions with Naomi

1. An ocelot is a striking image (and a great word) – what does it represent to you?

   An ocelot is a beautiful animal that can present like a large housecat, but the scientific name for an ocelot means “like a leopard.” They are actually closer to jaguars and are as dangerous as any large, wild cat. In this story, an ocelot represents romantic love–something lovely that seems safe but can be harmful or even deadly when underestimated or misjudged.

2. What influences—whether literary, cultural, or personal—shape your writing style?

   I love a juxtaposition between fantastical or silly ideas and the inescapable elements of the human condition. As much as we might like to, none of us can outsmart the pitfalls and foibles of being human: heartbreak, disappointment, resentment, fear. We are stronger if we face these scary parts of life, but it can be easier to do so by framing them in ways that make us laugh or wonder and realize that we’re not alone in our struggles.

   Examples of this are the Norwegian sculptor Gustav Vigeland’s “The Angry Boy” raging at frustration; the rejected magic of the flying carpet in Gabriel García Márquez's One Hundred Years of Solitude; the themes of ruthlessness and violence in Beatrix Potter’s Peter Rabbit; bouncy, danceable two-tone ska music about social injustice; preventing the end of the world by playing baseball in Michael Chabon’s Summerland; the scorching truths about the African American–and female–experience depicted on multimedia artist Faith Ringgold’s brightly hued, seemingly cozy quilts; and pretty much any of Roald Dahl’s stories.

3. This story feels deeply personal. Is it drawn from your own life, or is it a blend of reality and imagination?

   Ocelot is a blend of my own experiences and my imagination. The opening event where the narrator tried to pet an ocelot and nearly lost a finger to it actually happened to me at the zoo in Port-of-Spain, Trinidad (not my finest hour). I am also going through a separation and my conceptions of and rationalizations for my failed marriage are falling away as I redefine myself for the next chapter of my life. The Candyman is symbolic of how we as humans can be eager to give away our agency–perhaps hoping to avoid the hard work of life–but in doing so, ultimately making our lives harder. When the ‘book’ enters the story, an embodiment of karma is introduced.

4. How did you conceptualize the Candyman, and what do you hope readers take away from their presence?

   We often think of a Candyman as someone who tempts us and leads us astray, like a drug dealer. But a Candyman can also be someone who convinces us to put our dreams on hold or relinquish our agency. A Candyman seems beguiling and beautiful like an ocelot but will cut you deeply if you let it. It leverages our trust in our fellow human beings against us. It can be anyone from a frenemy to a nefarious guidance counselor, teacher, or boss to–in this case–a spouse. We decide to give our power to a Candyman and have to live with the consequences of that choice if we do. I hope readers consider their own choices, if those choices have made them happy, and how the people in their lives have influenced those choices. Because ultimately we are responsible for our own destinies and cannot leave it up to anyone else to forge our stories or define us.

5. Your piece touches on the ways toxic relationships trap us. What advice would you give to someone who might be in a similar situation? How important is self-awareness in breaking free from toxic cycles?

   We don’t always choose to be in toxic relationships. Sometimes, we’re born into them, like with our parents. But some of us, like the narrator, do choose them and then choose to remain in them—that’s part of the trap. Not indulging in self-pity and getting stuck in blaming the other party is actually the first step in breaking free. We have to be strong enough to recognize what we have gained from the situation and decide if it is worth it to jeopardize that in order to take back our power.

   In the narrator’s case, she wants a “perfect” family life where she is pampered and comfortable. More importantly to her, she wants that for her children, which is leveraged against her by her husband—her Candyman. She is held hostage by her fear of not giving her kids a perfect life. But the price for the veneer of perfection is heartbreak and deep disappointment in both her abusive spouse and in herself for not only falling into his trap but choosing to remain there. She has to give up that gossamer dream of a perfect life, and allow herself to soar. And that is what would ultimately be best for her children—to witness how powerful and joyful their primary parent can be, even if they don’t have all of the trappings of a comfortable life.

   Each person must weigh these elements in their own lives and choose their outcome for themselves, but the most important thing is to be deeply honest with themselves.

6. Can you share more about what ‘the book’ symbolizes?

   The ‘book’ represents a karmic ledger. Whether we are happy in our situations or not, we still choose from moment to moment how we conduct ourselves and interact with each other and our world. One thing the narrator has always known is that even if she’s not happy, she doesn’t want to use that unhappiness as an excuse to be selfish or cause others pain—even to her spouse. She models this behavior for her children and tries to be her best, finding happiness in present moments, rather than lashing out and perpetuating pain. Because of this, the ‘book’ appears, rewarding her with a way to climb out of the hole she’s dug. Real life isn’t so pat, but I do believe that the energy we pour into our surroundings and relationships comes back around to us—good or bad.

7. What’s next for you as a writer?

   My award-winning, 5-star reviewed debut science fiction novel, Counterblow Clemency, was published in January 2024, and I’m shopping a fantasy manuscript called, The Fairy Who Lived in a Dollhouse, which is a fun hero's journey/buddy adventure–and has been compared to Strange Magic, Epic (or The Leaf Men and the Brave Good Bugs), and Ferngully–but with a distinctly feminist message. Currently, I’m working on a closed-circle murder mystery set on a tiny island off of the Tuscan coast.

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